Following directions
Listening, complying, multi-step instructions
You've said it once. You've said it five times. You've said it in your "I mean it" voice. And still - nothing. When kids don't follow directions, it's rarely about defiance. It's usually about something else getting in the way.
What to Know
When kids don't follow directions, parents often assume defiance. But more often, something else is getting in the way — the child didn't actually hear you, they couldn't hold the instruction in working memory, they got distracted before they could act, or the demand felt too overwhelming to start.
Following directions requires multiple brain functions working together: attention, language processing, working memory, sequencing, and initiation. When any of these are underdeveloped or overloaded, compliance falls apart. This is why kids can follow one-step directions but lose track of multi-step ones, or why they do fine when calm but can't follow directions when upset.
The fix isn't louder or angrier repetition. It's adjusting your delivery — fewer steps, closer proximity, checking for understanding, and making sure you have their attention before you start speaking.
Signs to Watch
- •Seems to "not hear" directions even when paying attention
- •Can repeat back the direction but doesn't follow through
- •Gets lost partway through multi-step instructions
- •Does better with visual supports or written lists
- •Follows directions better in calm, quiet environments
- •Seems overwhelmed or shuts down when given too many directions
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