Honesty
Lying, truth-telling, admitting mistakes
The lie that was obvious. The story that kept changing. The denial even when you saw it happen. Lying is developmentally normal - and also needs to be addressed. The key is understanding why kids lie before focusing on getting them to stop.
What to Know
Lying is developmentally normal — and actually signals cognitive growth. To lie, kids must understand that other people have different knowledge than they do, imagine a false reality, and maintain that fiction. This requires sophisticated brain development. That doesn't mean lying is okay, but it does mean it's not a sign of a broken moral compass.
Kids lie for many reasons: to avoid punishment, to get something they want, to protect someone's feelings, to make themselves look better, or because they wish something were true. Understanding why your child is lying helps you address the root cause rather than just the behavior.
Harsh punishment for lying usually backfires because it makes kids more motivated to lie successfully rather than more motivated to tell the truth. What works better: making honesty safe, staying calm when they confess, and focusing on the underlying issue rather than the lie itself.
Signs to Watch
- •Tells obvious lies even when caught
- •Changes story when questioned
- •Lies to avoid consequences or get out of trouble
- •Lies to make themselves look better to peers
- •Has difficulty admitting mistakes or wrongdoing
- •Lies about small things that don't seem to matter
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