Accepting "no"
Handling limits, boundaries, denied requests
The negotiation. The meltdown. The "but why?" that goes fifteen rounds. Hearing "no" is hard for kids because they don't yet trust that they'll survive not getting what they want. That trust gets built slowly.
What to Know
Hearing "no" is hard for kids because they don't yet trust that they'll survive not getting what they want. The meltdown over a denied cookie isn't really about the cookie — it's about the frustration of wanting something and being unable to have it, combined with a still-developing ability to regulate that frustration.
The negotiation, the tantrum, the repeated asking in slightly different ways — these are all attempts to manage a feeling that feels unbearable. Kids haven't yet learned that disappointment passes, that limits are survivable, and that not getting something now doesn't mean never.
Giving in to avoid the meltdown teaches kids that persistence works and that your "no" is negotiable. But holding the limit harshly doesn't help either. Kids need firm, calm boundaries paired with empathy for the disappointment. They can be mad about the limit and the limit can still hold.
Signs to Watch
- •Melts down or tantrums when told no
- •Negotiates, argues, or keeps asking after you've answered
- •Acts like every "no" is catastrophic
- •Has more difficulty accepting no from certain people
- •Seems unable to move on after being denied something
- •Tests limits repeatedly to see if you'll change your mind
Stories
Articles
Activities & Worksheets
Activities coming soon
Downloadable activities and worksheets for this topic.