What to Do When Your Child Refuses to Leave Somewhere

You've given warnings. You've tried bribes. You've threatened. They're still not moving. Whether it's the playground, a friend's house, or Target, leaving refusal is embarrassing and exhausting. Here's what actually works.

Why Leaving Is So Hard

They're Having Fun

Obvious but important. They don't want the good thing to end.

Time Is Abstract

"Five more minutes" means nothing to a young child. They can't prepare for what they don't understand.

Transition Difficulty

Their brain has to shift gears from one context to another. This is neurologically effortful.

Loss of Control

They didn't choose to leave. Being made to stop feels disempowering.

What's Next Is Less Appealing

Leaving the park to run errands? Leaving the playdate for dinner? The next thing can't compete.

Before You Need to Leave

Set Expectations on Arrival

"We're going to play at the park until lunchtime, then we're leaving."

Knowing from the start what the plan is helps.

Give Plenty of Warning

"Fifteen more minutes." "Ten more minutes." "Five more minutes." "Two more minutes." "One more minute." "Time to go."

This works better when done consistently every time.

Use Concrete Markers

For young kids who don't understand time: - "Three more times down the slide, then we go" - "When this song ends" - "When the big hand gets to the 6"

Make the Next Thing Appealing

"After we leave the park, we're going home for popsicles."

Give them something to look forward to.

Use a Timer

The timer is the authority. "When the timer beeps, it's time to go."

When It's Time to Leave

Stay Calm

Your frustration makes their resistance worse. Take a breath. You're the adult here.

Be Matter-of-Fact

"Time to go." Not angry, not pleading, not negotiating. Just stating the reality.

Validate and Hold the Boundary

"I know you don't want to leave. It's hard to stop having fun. And it's time to go."

Acknowledge their feelings without changing the plan.

Offer a Transition Object

"You can bring one stick with you to the car." "Carry the ball to the car."

Something that bridges the two places.

Give One Choice

"Do you want to walk to the car or hop to the car?"

The leaving isn't a choice. How they leave can be.

The "One More" Technique

Sometimes one more (genuinely last) of something helps: "One more slide, then we're going. I'll count."

Only use this if you can hold the line after the one more.

When They Still Won't Budge

Don't Make Empty Threats

"We're never coming back to this park again!" You won't follow through, and they know it.

Don't Negotiate Endlessly

Every negotiation teaches them that negotiating works.

Name What Will Happen

"I'm going to help you get to the car now. I'll carry you if I need to."

Give them one chance to cooperate, then follow through.

Physical Help (When Necessary)

For young children who truly won't move, you may need to pick them up and go. Do this calmly, without anger.

"I can see you're not able to walk to the car. I'm going to carry you."

Expect Protest

They might cry, yell, or tantrum. That's okay. You can validate and still go.

"I know you're upset. We're still leaving."

Don't Shame

Avoid: "You're embarrassing me." "Look at you having a tantrum like a baby."

They're struggling. Shaming adds damage without helping.

In Public Places

Embrace Imperfection

Other parents have been there. Let go of embarrassment.

Have a Plan

Know what you'll do if they refuse. Fewer decisions in the moment means calmer response.

Exit First, Talk Later

Get out of the situation. Process and teach later, at home, when everyone's calm.

Ignore Onlookers

They don't matter. Your child matters.

After the Incident

Don't Lecture in the Car

They can't learn while they're still upset. Let everyone calm down.

Talk About It Later

At a calm moment: "Leaving the park was really hard today. What do you think we could do differently next time?"

Problem-Solve Together

Maybe they need more warning. Maybe a different ritual. Maybe to leave at a less difficult moment. Involve them in finding solutions.

Move On

Don't hold a grudge. Tomorrow is a new day with a new leaving challenge.

Patterns to Watch

If every single transition is a major battle: - Consider whether underlying issues (ADHD, autism, anxiety) are at play - Look at whether your child is generally overwhelmed or overtired - Examine whether expectations are age-appropriate - Consider working with a professional

Some transition difficulty is normal. Constant, severe battles may need more support.