Moving to a New Home: Helping Kids Cope with Relocation

Moving is consistently ranked among life's most stressful events—for adults. For children, who have even less control and fewer coping resources, it can be even harder. Here's how to help.

Why Moving Is Hard for Kids

Loss of the Familiar

Their room, their yard, their neighborhood, their hiding spots, the crack in the ceiling they stare at before sleep—all of it is part of their world. Moving means losing that.

Loss of Relationships

Friends, teachers, coaches, neighbors—the people who populate their daily life. Even if you promise to stay in touch, kids know it won't be the same.

Loss of Control

They didn't choose this. The decision was made for them. That powerlessness is hard at any age.

Fear of the Unknown

What will the new house be like? Will I make friends? Will I like my teacher? The uncertainty is anxiety-provoking.

Disruption of Routine

Everything they rely on for stability gets shuffled.

Before the Move

Tell Them Early (But Not Too Early)

Give them time to process, but not so much time that anxiety builds. A few weeks to a couple months, depending on age.

Explain the Why

Help them understand the reason for the move in age-appropriate terms. "Daddy has a new job" or "We need more space for our family."

Validate Their Feelings

"I know you don't want to move. It's okay to feel sad and angry about it. I understand."

Don't try to talk them out of their feelings with excessive positivity.

Involve Them Where Possible

Let them have some control: - Can they choose their room or room color? - Can they help decide what to keep vs. donate? - Can they research the new area and find things they're excited about?

Answer Questions Honestly

They'll want to know about the new house, school, neighborhood. Answer what you can; admit what you don't know.

Create Opportunities to Say Goodbye

- Goodbye party with friends - Last visit to favorite places - Photo documentation of the old home - Memory box of items from the old home

Closure matters.

Read Books About Moving

Bibliotherapy helps children process experiences. Find age-appropriate books about moving.

During the Move

Keep Routines as Stable as Possible

Mealtimes, bedtimes, family rituals—maintain what you can amid the chaos.

Unpack Their Space First

Their room should feel like theirs as quickly as possible. Let them help arrange it.

Keep Comfort Items Accessible

Stuffed animals, blankets, favorite toys—don't pack these in the moving truck. Keep them close.

Expect Regression and Behavior Changes

Sleep problems, clinginess, irritability, tears—all normal. Respond with patience.

Take Care of Yourself

Your stress affects them. Managing your own overwhelm helps everyone.

After the Move

Explore Together

Find the library, the park, the ice cream shop. Discover good things about the new place together.

Maintain Connections

Video calls with old friends, letters, planned visits. Help them sustain relationships that matter.

Be Patient with Adjustment

It takes time—often several months—to feel at home. Don't expect instant happiness.

Watch for Signs of Struggle

Some difficulty adjusting is normal. Be more concerned if: - Persistent sadness or withdrawal - Significant behavior changes - School refusal - Physical symptoms without medical cause - No improvement over time

These may warrant additional support.

Create New Traditions

New family rituals help the new place feel like home. Friday night pizza, Sunday walks, a special spot—build new anchors.

Connect with the Community

Activities, sports, clubs, religious communities—help your child build new relationships.

Age-Specific Considerations

**Toddlers and Preschoolers:** Don't understand the permanence. Focus on physical comfort and routine. Bring familiar objects. Expect regression.

**Early Elementary:** Understand the loss but struggle with the permanence of goodbye. Need help maintaining friendships and processing grief.

**Upper Elementary:** May resist more vocally. Have more to lose (established friendships, activities, identity). Need involvement in the process and validation of their feelings.

**Teens:** Most likely to struggle. Have the most established lives outside the family. Need respect for their feelings, help maintaining connections, and patience with their anger.

The Long View

Most children adjust well to moves, especially when parents: - Validate their feelings - Maintain stability where possible - Stay connected and supportive - Give it time

The first few months are hardest. It does get easier.