Calming down

Breathing, counting, self-soothing techniques

You've tried counting to ten. You've tried deep breaths. You've tried the "calm down corner" that worked exactly once. When kids are dysregulated, logic doesn't reach them - and the strategies that work on paper often fail in the moment. There are better ways in.

What to Know

Here's the hard truth about calming strategies: they don't work when kids are already flooded. Deep breaths, counting, squeezing a stress ball — these require the thinking brain, which goes offline during big emotions. That's why the techniques that sound perfect in parenting books fail in the moment.

Calming skills have to be taught when kids are calm and practiced so often they become automatic. Even then, most young children can't self-regulate without help. They need co-regulation first — your calm nervous system helping to settle theirs. This isn't coddling. It's how regulation develops. Kids borrow your calm until they build their own.

The goal isn't a child who never gets dysregulated. It's a child who recovers more quickly over time, with decreasing need for your help.

Signs to Watch

•Takes a very long time to calm down after getting upset
•Escalates quickly from minor frustration to full meltdown
•Can't use calming strategies when upset, even ones they know
•Needs significant adult help to recover
•Seems to "flip a switch" from fine to not fine
•Gets dysregulated again easily once calm

Stories

The Night the Power Went Out

The lights went out. Everything was dark. But Mama lit a candle and said: 'One small light is enough.' In the quiet, Rosie heard things she'd never noticed before.

The Girl Who Felt Everything

Iris feels things bigger than other kids. Sad movies make her sob. Loud noises hurt. Joy feels like fireworks. She learns her big feelings are a gift—she just needs tools to hold them.

What Can My Hands Do Instead?

When Max gets mad, his hands want to hit. But hands can squeeze a pillow, push against a wall, or hold tight to a grown-up. Max learns his hands have choices.

When I Turn Into Someone Else

When Nico gets really mad, he doesn't feel like Nico anymore. He stomps and yells and doesn't recognize himself. Afterwards, Mom helps him find his way back.

The Storm Outside and Inside

When thunder booms, Ana's heart booms too. Grandma doesn't say 'don't be scared.' Instead, she says 'let's count the seconds between flash and boom.' Doing something helps.

Shrink Your Worries

Zara's worries feel enormous. Her school counselor teaches her to draw them big on paper—then fold the paper smaller and smaller until the worry fits in her pocket.

Penny the Panic Button

Penny worries about EVERYTHING—tests, friendships, even happy things. Her brain has a panic button that goes off too easily. Her therapist helps her find the 'pause' button right next to it.

Stop Feeding the Fear Monster

Every time Theo worried, the Fear Monster got bigger. He didn't mean to feed it—but worrying was its favorite food. Theo learned to starve it with brave thoughts instead.

Mouths Are Not for Screaming

When big feelings come, sometimes Ollie screams. But screaming hurts ears—his own and everyone else's. His mouth can do other things: hum, breathe, ask for help.

Little Panda's Pushing Problem

When Ping gets frustrated, she pushes. She doesn't mean to hurt—her body just moves. Her dad teaches her to push against a wall instead, or squeeze her own hands tight.

A to Z Calm

A is for Ask for help. B is for Breathe. C is for Count to ten. From A to Z, there's always something to try when feelings get big.

Cooling Down the Fire

When anger shows up, it feels like fire. This story teaches three ways to cool the flames: name it, breathe on it, and find what's underneath.

Too Much, Too Fast, Too Loud

Everything Dex does is TOO MUCH. Too loud, too fast, too wild. He hears 'stop' a hundred times a day. But at bedtime, Mom says the thing he needs most.

Time to Breathe

When everything feels too fast, too loud, too much—it's time to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. One breath. Then another. Now, what do you need?

Worrysaurus Rex

Rex has a special day planned, but worries keep popping up. What if it rains? What if nobody comes? His mom teaches him to feel his feet on the ground—just this moment, right now.

Things That Make Me Feel Better

When I feel bad, some things help. Warm socks. My dog's fur. The smell of pancakes. A hug that lasts long. I'm making a list so I don't forget.

My Body Tells Me Things

Kayla's tummy hurts, but she's not sick. Her heart beats fast, but she didn't run. Her body is sending messages—and learning to listen helps her understand what she needs.

Sitting With My Storm

When Leo gets sent to his room, his anger arrives like a storm cloud. Instead of fighting it, he sits. Breathes. Watches. Slowly, the storm passes, and Leo is still there.

My Weather Inside

Sometimes I'm sunny. Sometimes I'm stormy. Sometimes I'm foggy and don't know why. All weather is real weather. All feelings are real feelings. They come, and they go.

Inside My Chest

Sometimes my chest feels tight like a fist. Sometimes it feels open like the sky. All my feelings live in there—and I'm learning to let them breathe.

Breathe Like This

Breathe like a lion—big and loud. Breathe like a bunny—quick and small. Breathe like a sloth—slow and long. Which breath do you need right now?

I Am the Boss of My Anger

Anger tries to take over Jayden's body. But with help from Uncle Ray, Jayden learns he's the boss—he just has to slow anger down long enough to prove it.

The Worry That Followed Me Home

A small worry follows Ben home from school. The more he ignores it, the bigger it grows. When he finally tells Dad about it, the worry shrinks—small enough to carry.