How Your Own Anxiety Affects Your Child—and What to Do About It

Anxiety runs in families—and not just through genes. Children learn to be anxious by watching anxious parents. If you struggle with anxiety yourself, here's what you need to know.

The Research Is Clear

Studies consistently show that children of anxious parents are more likely to develop anxiety themselves. Some of this is genetic—anxiety does have a heritable component. But a significant portion is learned.

Children watch how you react to uncertainty, stress, and fear. They absorb your beliefs about danger and safety. They mirror your emotional responses.

This isn't about blame. You didn't choose to have anxiety, and you're doing your best. But understanding the connection empowers you to break the cycle.

How Parent Anxiety Transmits to Children

Modeling Anxious Behavior

When you visibly worry, avoid situations, or react with fear, your child learns that the world is dangerous and that avoidance is how you cope.

You don't have to say "this is scary"—your behavior communicates it.

Overprotection

Anxious parents often restrict their children's activities, hover during play, and intervene quickly when anything seems risky.

This sends the message: "You can't handle this. The world isn't safe." Children internalize this, becoming less confident in their own abilities.

Excessive Accommodation

When you go to great lengths to help your child avoid anxiety—changing family plans, providing constant reassurance, removing any source of discomfort—you may temporarily reduce their distress.

But you also reinforce that anxiety is unbearable and must be eliminated at all costs. They don't learn to cope; they learn to avoid.

Transferring Worry

"Be careful!" "Watch out!" "Are you sure you'll be okay?" Constant verbal worry puts your child on high alert. They learn to scan for danger because you clearly see it everywhere.

Emotional Contagion

Anxiety is contagious. Your nervous system affects theirs. When you're dysregulated, they sense it and become dysregulated too—even if they don't know why.

What You Can Do

Manage Your Own Anxiety

This is the most important thing you can do for your child. When you get help for your own anxiety—therapy, medication, coping strategies—you model healthy behavior and reduce the anxiety in your home.

Your own wellbeing isn't selfish. It directly benefits your child.

Monitor Your Verbal Expressions

Notice how often you express worry out loud. "I'm so stressed." "What if something goes wrong?" "I can't handle this."

You don't have to pretend to be fine, but consider whether your child needs to hear every anxious thought.

Watch Your "Be Careful" Reflex

Is the warning necessary, or is it your anxiety talking? Children need to climb, run, try, fail, and recover. Constant warnings undermine their confidence.

Ask yourself: "Is this actually dangerous, or does it just feel dangerous to me?"

Model Coping, Not Just Calm

You don't have to hide your anxiety completely. In fact, showing your child how you cope can be powerful:

"I'm feeling a little nervous about this meeting. I'm going to take some deep breaths."

"I don't love flying, but I know it's safe, and I'm going to read my book to distract myself."

They see that anxiety is normal, manageable, and doesn't have to stop you.

Encourage Bravery

When your instinct is to rescue, pause. Ask yourself: "Can they handle this?" Often they can—more than your anxiety brain believes.

Encourage them to try things, even when you're nervous. Praise their courage. Let them experience the triumph of facing fear.

Reduce Accommodation Gradually

If you've built routines around avoiding your child's anxiety triggers, start reducing them slowly.

This is hard—their distress is hard to watch, and it triggers your own anxiety. But accommodation keeps everyone stuck.

Be Honest (Age-Appropriately)

With older children, you can be honest: "I notice I worry a lot, and I don't want to pass that on to you. I'm working on it. What have you noticed?"

This opens dialogue and models self-awareness.

Seek Support

Therapy for yourself, parenting support groups, books on anxious parenting—you don't have to figure this out alone.

Parenting with anxiety is harder than parenting without it. Get the support you deserve.

Breaking the Cycle Is Possible

You didn't choose your anxiety, and you didn't choose to pass it on. But you can choose, now, to interrupt the pattern.

Every time you manage your own anxiety, encourage your child to face fear, or model healthy coping, you're breaking the cycle.

Your child is watching. Show them what brave looks like.