7 Things to Say When Your Child Is Worried

When your child is caught in a worry spiral, your instinct might be to reassure them: "Don't worry, everything will be fine!" But that often backfires. Here are phrases that actually help.

1. "I can see you're really worried about this."

Start by naming what you see. This simple acknowledgment tells your child that their feelings make sense and that you're paying attention. You're not dismissing or minimizing—you're witnessing.

Many anxious children feel alone with their worries. This phrase says: I see you. I'm here.

2. "Tell me more about what you're thinking."

Invite them to externalize the worry. Getting the fear out of their head and into words often reduces its power. You're also gathering information about what's really driving the anxiety.

Listen without interrupting or immediately problem-solving. Sometimes they just need to be heard.

3. "That sounds really hard. And you can handle hard things."

This does two things: validates the difficulty AND expresses confidence in them. You're not saying it's not hard. You're saying they're capable.

Children often underestimate their own resilience. Your confidence in them helps them find confidence in themselves.

4. "What's the worst that could happen? And then what?"

For older children (5+), this cognitive technique can help. Walk through the worry to its conclusion. Often, when they articulate the worst case, they realize they could cope with it.

"What if I fail the test?" → "Then what would happen?" → "I'd be sad" → "And then?" → "I'd study more for the next one."

The fear loses power when they see they'd survive it.

5. "Let's take some breaths together."

Anxiety lives in the body. Before you can think your way out, you often need to calm the body down. Offer to breathe with them—not as a command ("take deep breaths!") but as an invitation.

Three slow breaths together can shift the nervous system enough to think more clearly.

6. "What's one small thing you could do right now?"

Worry makes everything feel overwhelming. This question narrows the focus to something manageable. Not "solve the whole problem" but "what's one tiny step?"

Action—even small action—counteracts the helpless feeling that anxiety creates.

7. "I'm here with you. We'll figure this out together."

Sometimes the most powerful thing is simple presence. You're not promising to fix it. You're promising not to leave them alone with it.

For many anxious children, knowing they're not alone is more important than any solution.

What to Avoid

**"Don't worry."** This dismisses their feeling and rarely works anyway.

**"There's nothing to be scared of."** To them, there clearly is. This makes them feel misunderstood.

**"You're fine."** They don't feel fine. This invalidates their experience.

**"Just calm down."** If they could, they would. This increases pressure.

**Over-reassurance.** Endlessly reassuring can actually reinforce anxiety. Validate, support, and then help them move forward.

The Bigger Picture

Anxiety in children is common and usually manageable. Your calm presence, validation, and confidence in their ability to cope are the most powerful tools you have.

You can't make the worry disappear. But you can help them feel less alone with it—and more capable of handling it.