Disappointment

Handling letdowns, things not going your way

The birthday party that got canceled. The toy that broke. The "no" they weren't expecting. Disappointment hits kids hard because they haven't learned yet that they can survive it. Helping them through these smaller losses now builds something important for later.

What to Know

Disappointment feels unbearable to kids because they haven't learned yet that they can survive not getting what they want. To adults, a canceled playdate is a minor setback. To a child, it can feel catastrophic — partly because they're still developing the ability to regulate emotion, and partly because they don't have a track record of getting through disappointments.

The instinct to prevent disappointment or immediately fix it is strong. But kids need practice with disappointment in small doses to build the tolerance that will serve them later. Your job isn't to make the bad feeling go away. It's to help them feel it without falling apart — and to trust that they'll be okay on the other side.

Each disappointment that a child moves through, with your support, builds evidence that hard feelings pass and that they can cope.

Signs to Watch

•Falls apart when plans change or expectations aren't met
•Has difficulty moving on after something disappointing happens
•Perseverates on what didn't happen rather than what did
•Catastrophizes small letdowns
•Needs extensive reassurance or promises to recover
•Avoids situations where disappointment is possible

Stories

The Night the Power Went Out

The lights went out. Everything was dark. But Mama lit a candle and said: 'One small light is enough.' In the quiet, Rosie heard things she'd never noticed before.

Tomorrow Will Be Different

Today was the worst. But today is almost over. Tomorrow is coming. And tomorrow might be different—maybe better, maybe not. But definitely different.

The Me I'm Becoming

I used to be scared of everything. I used to cry when I didn't get my way. I'm different now. And I'll be different tomorrow. That's called becoming.

Saving for Something Special

After the fire, they didn't have much. But every coin went in the jar. It took a long time. When they finally bought the couch, it wasn't just a couch—it was proof they could make it.

Oh Well, That Happened

Spilled milk. Missed bus. Forgot homework. Some days, everything goes wrong. But Zara learned three magic words: 'Oh well, next.' Keep going. The day isn't over yet.

Good Enough Is Good Enough

Mia's drawing didn't look right. Not like she imagined. She wanted to crumple it up—until her little brother said 'I love it.' Maybe it didn't have to be perfect.

Almost, Almost, Almost!

Eli is building something special, but it keeps falling apart. 'ALMOST!' he yells, ready to quit. His dog nudges him outside. After a walk, he sees it differently—and tries one more time.

I've Got This

Hard things happen. Zoe's ice cream falls. Her friend moves away. She doesn't make the team. Each time, she finds her words: 'This is hard. I'm sad. And I've got this.'

When I Turn Into Someone Else

When Nico gets really mad, he doesn't feel like Nico anymore. He stomps and yells and doesn't recognize himself. Afterwards, Mom helps him find his way back.

Mouths Are Not for Screaming

When big feelings come, sometimes Ollie screams. But screaming hurts ears—his own and everyone else's. His mouth can do other things: hum, breathe, ask for help.

The Ears That Didn't Hear

Jada's ears worked fine—she just didn't use them. Until she missed the field trip permission slip, the birthday party invite, and the 'I love you' from Dad.

But I Really Want It

Jaylen wanted the cool sneakers SO BAD. Mom said no. It felt unfair. But when he saw a kid with broken shoes, Jaylen understood something about want and need.

I Didn't Mean to Forget

Omar forgot his homework. Again. He didn't mean to—his brain just let it slip. Mom helps him make a 'remember spot' by the door. Forgetting isn't bad; it just needs a system.

It Wasn't My Fault (Except It Was)

When the lamp broke, Jake had excuses. The dog bumped him. The ball slipped. But deep down, Jake knew: he'd been throwing inside. Telling the truth felt scary—and then better.

Is It Time Yet?

Waiting is the WORST. For birthdays. For cookies to cool. For Dad to get off the phone. But Hazel learns a secret: time goes faster when you find something to do.

Where Is My Bear?!

Bear is gone. GONE. Rosie can't explain where or how—just that he's not here and NOTHING is okay. Dad doesn't understand until they retrace their steps together.

Articles

Helping Your Only Child When a Sibling Isn't Coming

Supporting children who wish for siblings, especially after loss or infertility.

Helping Your Child Handle Failure and Disappointment

Building resilience when things don't go as planned.

Building Resilience: Raising Kids Who Can Bounce Back

What resilience really is and how to nurture it.

Activities & Worksheets

Activities coming soon

Downloadable activities and worksheets for this topic.