When Hitting Doesn't Stop: Strategies for Persistent Aggression

You've stayed calm. You've set limits. You've taught alternatives. And your child is still hitting. When typical strategies aren't working, it's time to dig deeper. Here's what to try.

First: Rule Out the Basics

Before assuming there's a bigger issue, make sure the basics are covered:

Sleep

Is your child getting enough sleep? Tired children hit more. Much more. Check that bedtime is early enough and sleep quality is good.

Hunger

Blood sugar crashes cause meltdowns and aggression. Are they eating regularly? Enough protein? Is there a pattern of hitting before meals?

Overstimulation

Some children are more sensitive to noise, crowds, chaos. Overstimulation leads to dysregulation leads to hitting.

Transitions

Hitting often clusters around transitions. Morning rush, leaving the park, ending screen time. If the pattern is transition-related, address the transitions.

Underlying Stress

Is something else going on? New sibling? Parental conflict? Change at school? Stress shows up as behavior.

Look for Patterns

Track the hitting for a week: - When does it happen? (Time of day, day of week) - Where does it happen? - Who does it happen with? - What happened right before? - What happened right after?

Patterns reveal triggers. Maybe it's always at 5pm (hunger/fatigue). Maybe it's always with the same sibling (specific relationship issue). Maybe it's always when you're on your phone (bid for attention).

Consider What Hitting Gets Them

Behavior that continues is behavior that works. What is hitting accomplishing?

Attention

Even negative attention is attention. If hitting gets a big reaction from you, it's reinforced. Try giving less attention to hitting and much more attention to appropriate behavior.

Control

If hitting gives them power or gets them what they want, they'll keep doing it. Make sure hitting never "works."

Release

For some kids, hitting is a physical release of overwhelming emotion. They need better physical outlets: punching pillows, stomping, running, squeezing stress balls.

Communication

If they're hitting to communicate something they can't say, they need language support. Teach them the words: "I'm frustrated!" "I need space!" "I don't like that!"

Adjust Your Response

If what you're doing isn't working, try something different:

Less Talking

You might be saying too much. In the moment, keep it short: "No hitting." Period. Save the teaching for later.

More Connection

Sometimes persistent hitting signals a connection problem. Are you getting enough one-on-one time with this child? Do they feel securely attached?

Clearer Consequences

Maybe consequences haven't been consistent or connected. Make them immediate, consistent, and related to the behavior.

Earlier Intervention

Can you catch the escalation before it becomes hitting? "I see you're getting frustrated. Let's take a break."

Consider Developmental Factors

Some children have harder-wired challenges with impulse control:

ADHD

Impulsivity is a core feature. These children genuinely struggle to stop themselves. They may need additional support and possibly evaluation.

Sensory Processing Issues

Some kids are overwhelmed by sensory input and respond aggressively. Occupational therapy can help.

Language Delays

If they can't express themselves verbally, physical expression is more likely. Speech evaluation may be warranted.

Autism Spectrum

Difficulty with communication and regulation can manifest as aggression. Consider evaluation if there are other signs.

When to Get Professional Help

Seek support if: - Hitting is severe or causing real harm - You've tried everything and nothing helps - Hitting is getting worse, not better - Your child seems distressed by their own behavior - It's affecting school, friendships, or family life - You're at the end of your rope

Options include: - Your pediatrician (first stop—rule out medical issues) - Child psychologist or therapist - Developmental pediatrician - Occupational therapist (for sensory issues) - Behavioral specialist

Take Care of Yourself

Being hit by your child repeatedly is hard. It's triggering, exhausting, and can affect your relationship with them.

- Get support (therapist, parent group, friends) - Take breaks when you need them - Remember it's not personal - Separate the behavior from the child

It Can Get Better

Even persistent hitting usually improves with the right combination of: - Addressing underlying issues - Consistent, calm responses - Teaching replacement behaviors - Time and development - Professional support when needed

Don't give up. Keep trying. And get help if you need it.