Handling mistakes
Failure as learning, self-compassion
The meltdown over a small error. The paper crumpled in frustration. The complete shutdown when something doesn't go right the first time. How kids handle mistakes now shapes how they'll handle failure later.
What to Know
How kids handle mistakes now shapes how they'll handle failure later. The meltdown over a small error, the paper crumpled in frustration, the complete shutdown when something doesn't go right the first time — these are signs that mistakes feel catastrophic rather than normal.
For some kids, mistakes feel like evidence that they're fundamentally flawed. This is especially true for perfectionists and kids with anxiety. The mistake itself is manageable; it's the meaning they assign to it that creates the crisis. "I got this wrong" becomes "I'm stupid" or "I can't do anything right."
Kids learn how to handle mistakes largely by watching adults. How you respond to your own errors — and how you respond to theirs — teaches them whether mistakes are survivable and instructive or shameful and defining.
Signs to Watch
- •Melts down over small mistakes
- •Erases, redoes, or crumples work repeatedly
- •Gives up when things don't go perfectly
- •Avoids activities where mistakes are possible
- •Says things like "I'm so stupid" when they get something wrong
- •Hides mistakes rather than admitting them
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