Standing up for yourself
Assertiveness, voice, boundaries
The child who gives in to keep the peace. The one who can't say no to friends. The preference for suffering quietly over making waves. Assertiveness is hard to teach without accidentally encouraging aggression.
What to Know
Assertiveness is hard to teach because it sits in a narrow zone between passivity and aggression. Kids who struggle to stand up for themselves often either stay silent when they should speak or explode when they finally hit their limit. Finding the middle — clear, calm, confident self-advocacy — takes practice.
Kids who don't stand up for themselves often fear conflict, rejection, or making someone else uncomfortable. They've learned that keeping the peace is safer than having needs. This works in the short term but creates problems over time: resentment builds, needs go unmet, and relationships become one-sided.
Teaching assertiveness isn't about encouraging kids to fight more. It's about giving them language and permission to express their needs and set boundaries respectfully. It starts with believing that their needs matter enough to voice.
Signs to Watch
- •Goes along with others even when they don't want to
- •Has difficulty saying no to friends
- •Gets taken advantage of or pushed around
- •Doesn't speak up when something is wrong or unfair
- •Explodes after holding things in for too long
- •Says yes to things, then is upset about having to do them
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