How to Handle Bedtime Fears: Monsters, Darkness, and Things That Go Bump

When your child is convinced there's a monster in the closet, logic won't help. "There's no such thing as monsters" might be true, but it doesn't make them feel safer. Here's how to actually help.

Why Nighttime Fears Are Normal

Fear of the dark and imaginary threats peaks between ages 3-6. This isn't a problem to fix—it's a normal part of development.

At this age, imagination is exploding. Children can conjure vivid images, but they can't yet fully separate fantasy from reality. The monster they imagine feels absolutely real.

Their brains are also wired to scan for danger—especially in low-light conditions where they can't see clearly. Evolutionarily, this kept young humans safe. Today, it makes bedtime hard.

The Wrong Approach: Dismissal

Saying "there's nothing to be scared of" or "don't be silly" doesn't help. It tells your child that their feelings are wrong, which makes them feel alone with their fear.

They don't stop being scared. They just stop telling you about it.

The Right Approach: Validate and Empower

Your job is twofold: 1. Take the feeling seriously 2. Help them feel capable of handling it

This isn't about convincing them there's no monster. It's about helping them feel brave and safe even if there were one.

Practical Strategies That Work

Monster Spray

Fill a spray bottle with water (add a drop of lavender if you want). Label it "Monster Spray" or "Brave Spray." Let your child spray it around the room before bed.

Does this reinforce that monsters are real? Not really. It gives your child agency. They're doing something about their fear, which is empowering.

The Closet/Under-Bed Check

Do a quick, matter-of-fact check together. "Let's take a look. Yep, all clear. Just your shoes under there."

Keep it brief and calm. Don't make it theatrical or it becomes a bigger ritual.

Night Light Strategy

A dim, warm night light can make a huge difference. Let your child pick it out. Some children like projectors that put stars on the ceiling—something pleasant to look at.

Red or orange light is better for sleep than blue or white light.

Comfort Object with a Job

Give a stuffed animal a "job": "Bear is going to watch over you while you sleep. That's his job—to keep your room safe."

Children often accept this. The stuffed animal becomes a proxy for your protective presence.

The Worry Box

For older kids, have them write or draw their fear, then put it in a special box that "holds" the worry until morning. The physical act of putting the fear somewhere else can help.

Brave Self-Talk

Teach your child phrases to say to themselves: - "I am safe in my room." - "My family is right nearby." - "I am brave and my room is cozy."

Practice these during the day so they're accessible at night.

When to Check In vs. When to Wait

If your child calls out once, a brief reassurance is fine: "You're safe. I'm right here. Time for sleep."

If they're calling out repeatedly, continuing to respond can reinforce the behavior. You might say, "I've checked on you. You're safe. I'm not going to keep coming back. I love you. Goodnight."

Then, as hard as it is, wait a few minutes before responding again.

Addressing Specific Fears

**Shadows:** Rearrange furniture or add a night light so shadows are minimized. Name the shadows together: "That's just your chair making a funny shape."

**Sounds:** Explain house sounds: "That's the heater turning on. It makes a click noise every night." A white noise machine can mask unpredictable sounds.

**Monsters under bed:** Some families do well with "monster-proof" beds (push bed against wall, add a bed skirt, or declare the under-bed area a "no monster zone").

**General fear of darkness:** Gradual exposure during the day can help. Play flashlight games. Do a "dark scavenger hunt." Make darkness associated with fun, not just sleep.

When Fear Seems Excessive

Some fear is normal. But if your child is so afraid they can't fall asleep at all, are having frequent nightmares, or fear is spreading into daytime, it might be worth talking to your pediatrician.

Some children have anxiety that goes beyond typical developmental fears, and early support can help.