Perfectionism
All-or-nothing thinking, fear of imperfection
The homework redone six times. The refusal to try unless success is guaranteed. The anxiety that looks like high standards. Perfectionism isn't about wanting to do well - it's about fearing what happens if you don't.
What to Know
Perfectionism isn't about high standards — it's about fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of being revealed as not good enough. Kids with perfectionism don't just want to do well; they feel like they have to be perfect or something terrible will happen.
This shows up in different ways: the child who spends hours on homework that should take twenty minutes, the one who won't try unless success is guaranteed, the one who melts down over a minor mistake. The common thread is that "good enough" doesn't feel safe.
Perfectionism often develops in kids who've gotten a lot of praise for achievement or who've absorbed the message that their worth depends on their performance. Breaking the pattern means helping kids see that mistakes are survivable and that effort matters more than outcomes.
Signs to Watch
- •Spends excessive time on tasks trying to get them perfect
- •Melts down over small mistakes or imperfections
- •Won't try things unless confident of success
- •Sets impossibly high standards for themselves
- •Is highly self-critical
- •Procrastinates or avoids starting to prevent imperfect outcomes
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