When Your Child Won't Try New Things: Encouraging the Hesitant Child

Some children dive into new experiences headfirst. Others hang back, watching, refusing to try. If you have a hesitant child, you know the challenge: how do you encourage them without pushing so hard they retreat further?

Why Some Children Are Hesitant

Temperament

Some children are born more cautious and slow-to-warm. This is temperament, not a flaw. These children process new information carefully before acting. They often become thoughtful, observant adults.

Perfectionism

Children who fear making mistakes may avoid new things to avoid the possibility of failure. If they don't try, they can't fail.

Past Negative Experiences

A bad experience—embarrassment, failure, ridicule—can make children wary of similar situations.

Anxiety

Worry about what could go wrong can paralyze action. The child imagines worst-case scenarios and decides the risk isn't worth it.

Sensory Sensitivities

New environments often mean new sensory experiences. For sensitive children, this can be overwhelming.

Feeling Forced

Paradoxically, pressure to try new things can increase resistance. Children may dig in their heels when they feel their autonomy is threatened.

What Doesn't Help

Forcing

Pushing a terrified child into the pool doesn't teach them to swim—it teaches them to fear water and mistrust you.

Minimizing

"It's not a big deal" dismisses their very real feelings. To them, it is a big deal.

Comparing

"Your sister wasn't scared" makes them feel deficient and doesn't address their fear.

Bribing

Rewards for trying can help sometimes, but over-reliance on bribes doesn't build intrinsic motivation or address underlying fears.

Labeling

"You're so shy" or "You never try anything" becomes an identity they live into.

What Does Help

Validate the Hesitation

"I can see you're not sure about this. It's okay to feel nervous about new things."

Validation doesn't mean you give up on encouraging them—it means you start from where they actually are.

Go Slow

Hesitant children need more time to warm up. Arrive early so they can observe. Don't expect instant participation. Let them watch from the sidelines until they're ready.

Break It Down

Instead of "try soccer," maybe: "Let's just go watch a practice today." Then: "Let's kick the ball around at home." Then: "Let's go to one practice—you don't have to play, just see how it feels."

Small steps are less overwhelming.

Offer Information

Sometimes hesitation comes from not knowing what to expect. Explain what will happen, who will be there, what it will look like.

Books, videos, and stories about the new experience can help too.

Share Your Own Hesitations

"I remember feeling nervous the first time I tried that too. It's normal to feel unsure."

This normalizes their experience and models that you can feel nervous and still try.

Focus on Brave, Not Fearless

The goal isn't to eliminate the fear—it's to try despite the fear. That's courage.

"You can be scared and brave at the same time."

Celebrate Small Steps

Any movement toward trying deserves recognition. "You walked right up to the group today. That took courage."

Don't wait for full participation to acknowledge progress.

Let Them Say No Sometimes

If you force every new thing, they learn to resist harder. Giving them some genuine choice builds trust.

"You don't have to do gymnastics. Is there something else you'd like to try?"

Set a "Try It Once" Expectation

For some families, the rule is: "You have to try it once. If you don't like it after giving it a real try, you can stop."

This ensures they don't miss out without forcing indefinite commitment.

Address Underlying Anxiety

If hesitation is severe and pervasive, anxiety may be driving it. See our articles on childhood anxiety for more support, or consider talking to a professional.

The Long Game

Your hesitant child may never be the one who jumps into every new experience. That's okay. The goal isn't to change their temperament—it's to help them not be limited by fear.

With patience and gentle encouragement, hesitant children often surprise you. They try things in their own time, their own way. And often, because they've watched carefully first, they do well.