How to Help Your Child Make Friends: A Parent's Guide

Some children make friends effortlessly. Others struggle. If your child is in the second group, there's a lot you can do to help—without being the one making friends for them.

Why Some Kids Struggle

Temperament

Some children are naturally introverted, shy, or slow-to-warm. Social situations drain them. They may want friends but find the process exhausting.

Social Skills Gaps

Friendship requires specific skills: starting conversations, joining groups, reading social cues, managing conflict. Not all children develop these naturally.

Anxiety

Social anxiety makes peer interaction feel threatening. The child may want connection but be too afraid to pursue it.

Being Different

Children who are different in some way—new, different interests, different background, neurodivergent—may struggle to find peers who "get" them.

Past Experiences

Negative social experiences (bullying, rejection) can make children wary of trying again.

What Parents Can Do

Facilitate Opportunities

Friendships need raw material: time together. Create opportunities:

**Playdates:** The single most powerful friendship tool. One-on-one time in a comfortable setting (your home) is easier than navigating group dynamics.

**Activities:** Sports, clubs, classes, scouts—structured activities with the same kids regularly. Shared interests provide natural conversation topics.

**Neighborhood play:** Old-fashioned playing outside with neighbor kids still works.

**Family friendships:** Befriend families with kids your child's age. Adult friendships can scaffold kid friendships.

Teach Social Skills Explicitly

Many children need direct instruction in skills others pick up naturally:

**Starting conversations:** - "Ask them a question about themselves" - "Comment on something you have in common" - "Give a compliment"

**Joining a group:** - Watch first to understand what they're doing - Find a role (not take over) - Make a positive comment: "That looks fun. Can I play?"

**Being a good friend:** - Listen when others talk - Take turns - Show interest in their interests - Keep promises

**Reading social cues:** - How do you know if someone wants to keep talking? - How do you know if someone wants to be left alone? - What does body language tell you?

Practice through role-play at home.

Coach from the Sidelines

During playdates, stay available but not intrusive. If you see your child struggling, coach quietly: - "Maybe ask him what he wants to play" - "It looks like she wants a turn"

Don't take over the social interaction—guide from the wings.

Debrief Social Experiences

After social events, talk through what happened: - "What was fun?" - "Was anything hard?" - "What might you do differently next time?"

This helps them reflect and learn without lecturing.

Find Their People

Not every child needs to be friends with everyone. Help them find peers who share their interests: - The kid who also loves Minecraft - The other kids in chess club - Friends through a niche hobby

One good friend matters more than being popular.

Build on Strengths

What is your child good at? Confident at? Put them in situations where they can shine: - Leading a project in their area of expertise - Teaching another child something they know - Activities that highlight their strengths

Success breeds confidence.

Model Friendship

Let them see you: - Making plans with your friends - Navigating social situations - Being a good friend - Handling social conflicts

Talk about your own friendships: "I'm having coffee with Sarah tomorrow. She's been a good friend since college."

What Not to Do

Don't Force Friendships

You can create opportunities; you can't create chemistry. If your child and another child don't click, don't force it.

Don't Take Over

Calling other parents to arrange friendships, intervening in every conflict, hovering during playdates—these prevent your child from developing their own social skills.

Don't Criticize

"You need to be friendlier" or "No wonder you have no friends" adds shame. They already feel bad; criticism makes it worse.

Don't Compare

"Your sister makes friends so easily" doesn't motivate—it wounds.

When to Get Additional Help

Consider professional support if: - Social skills gaps are significant - Anxiety is preventing social interaction - Your child may be neurodivergent (autism, ADHD) - They're being bullied - They're showing signs of depression

Social skills groups, therapy, and school counselor support can help.