Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling: Before, During, and After

A new baby changes everything—especially for the child who's been the center of your world. Here's how to help your older child adjust, from pregnancy through the first year and beyond.

Before the Baby Arrives

When to Tell Them

Young children (under 3) have little sense of time. Telling them too early means months of "When's the baby coming?" Wait until the pregnancy is visible or you're in the third trimester.

Older children can be told earlier and may enjoy participating in the anticipation.

How to Tell Them

Keep it simple and positive: "We have exciting news. There's a baby growing in Mommy's tummy. You're going to be a big brother/sister!"

Let them ask questions. Answer honestly at their level.

What to Expect

Reactions vary widely: - Excitement - Anxiety - Indifference - Questions about where babies come from - Regression (acting younger) - Acting out

All of these are normal. Give them space to feel however they feel.

Prepare Them Concretely

- Read books about new siblings - Visit friends with babies so they see what babies are like - Let them feel the baby kick - Involve them in preparations: picking out clothes, setting up the room - Talk about what babies do (and don't do): "Babies sleep a lot and cry when they need something"

Prepare Them Emotionally

- Acknowledge that things will change: "When the baby comes, things will be different. I'll need to spend time feeding and caring for the baby." - Reassure them: "And I will always love you and have special time for just us." - Validate their concerns: "It's okay if you feel worried or unsure. That makes sense."

Make Changes Early

If you're planning changes—moving to a new room, starting preschool, ending co-sleeping—do them well before the baby arrives. You don't want these to feel like the baby is taking their place.

During the Birth

Plan for Their Care

Make sure they know who will be with them and what the plan is. Uncertainty breeds anxiety.

Keep Them Informed

If possible, let them know when you go to the hospital. A phone call or video chat while you're there can help them feel connected.

The First Meeting

Keep it calm and positive. Let them come to the baby at their own pace. Some children are immediately smitten; others are wary. Both are normal.

Consider having a "gift from the baby" ready—a small present that the new sibling "brought" for them. (Cheesy? Yes. Effective? Also yes.)

The First Weeks

Expect Regression

It's extremely common for older children to act younger when a new baby arrives: wanting a bottle, having accidents after being potty trained, baby talk, increased clinginess.

This is normal. Meet them where they are. The regression usually fades as they adjust.

Expect Big Feelings

Jealousy, anger, sadness, ambivalence—the arrival of a sibling stirs up a lot. They might say "I don't like the baby" or "Send her back."

These feelings are normal and shouldn't be punished. Acknowledge them: "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated. It's hard to share Mommy."

Maintain Connection

This is the hardest part when you're sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. But prioritize some one-on-one time with your older child, even if it's just 10-15 minutes.

Tag-team with a partner or support person: one tends the baby while the other gives the older child undivided attention.

Include Them

Let them "help" with the baby in age-appropriate ways: bringing a diaper, singing to the baby, showing the baby a toy. This builds connection and importance.

Watch for Warning Signs

Most adjustment is normal. Be more concerned if: - Aggression toward the baby - Extreme withdrawal - Significant sleep or eating changes - Persistent sadness or anxiety

These might need extra attention or professional support.

The First Year and Beyond

Maintain One-on-One Time

Regular special time with each parent—even 15-30 minutes weekly—makes a significant difference in how secure the older child feels.

Narrate the Baby's Adoration

Babies eventually start showing interest in siblings. Point it out: "Look how she's watching you! She thinks you're so interesting."

Create Opportunities for Positive Interaction

Supervised play, reading to the baby, being a "helper"—find ways for the older child to feel good about the sibling relationship.

Don't Force It

If your older child isn't interested in the baby, that's okay. Forced interaction builds resentment. Let the relationship develop naturally.

Protect Their Space

Make sure the older child has some toys, spaces, and time that are just theirs. They need to know the baby isn't taking over everything.

Acknowledge That It's Hard

"I know it's hard to share me with the baby. Thank you for being patient. I love you so much."

Simple acknowledgment goes a long way.

The Long View

Sibling relationships are marathons, not sprints. The first year with a new baby is intense, but it's just the beginning.

With patience, attention to the older child's needs, and time, most children adjust beautifully. They're building a relationship that could last a lifetime.