7 Things to Say During Potty Training

Potty training is as much about what you say as what you do. The wrong words create pressure and resistance. The right words build confidence and cooperation. Here are seven phrases that help.

1. "Let me know when you need to go."

This puts them in charge. You're not asking "Do you need to go?" every five minutes (which gets annoying and creates resistance). You're trusting them to notice their own body and communicate.

For younger kids just starting out, you might add: "Your body will give you a signal—like a full feeling in your tummy."

2. "Oops! Accident. Let's clean up."

Accidents are part of learning. Your calm, matter-of-fact response teaches them that accidents aren't catastrophic—they're just part of the process.

No sighing. No frustration. No "I just asked you five minutes ago!" Just: oops, clean up, move on.

3. "You listened to your body!"

This is better than "Good job going potty!" because it emphasizes the skill they're developing: body awareness. They're learning to notice signals and respond to them.

"You felt that you needed to go, and you made it to the potty. You listened to your body!"

4. "Your body is learning something new."

When they're frustrated, this reframes potty training as a process, not a pass/fail test. Bodies take time to learn new things. That's normal.

"It takes time for your body to learn this. You're doing great."

5. "Do you want to try sitting on the potty?"

Notice the word "try." There's no pressure to produce anything. You're just inviting them to practice the behavior. Taking the pressure off often leads to more success.

If they say no, respect it: "Okay, let me know when you're ready."

6. "Pee and poop go in the potty. That's where they belong."

Simple, factual, no judgment. You're teaching them where things go—like toys go in the toy box and dishes go in the sink. It's just information.

This is especially helpful for kids who are anxious about flushing or seeing their poop disappear.

7. "I'm proud of you for trying."

Trying matters more than succeeding, especially early on. They sat on the potty even though nothing happened? That's worth acknowledging. They told you they needed to go, even though they didn't make it in time? That's progress.

"You're working so hard on this. I'm proud of you for trying."

What Not to Say

**"You're such a big kid!"** This can backfire if they're ambivalent about growing up. Some kids want to stay "babies."

**"Don't you want to wear big kid underwear?"** Pressure disguised as a question. They might not want that, and that's okay.

**"Your friend/sibling already uses the potty."** Comparison creates shame, not motivation.

**"You're going to have an accident!"** This is anxiety-producing and can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

**"I'm so disappointed."** Your disappointment is a heavy burden. Keep your emotions regulated.

The Underlying Message

Everything you say should communicate: - This is a normal learning process - You're capable of learning this - Accidents are okay - I'm here to help, not judge - There's no rush

Your calm confidence is their calm confidence.