When a Parent Travels for Work: Helping Kids Cope with Separation

Business trips, military deployment, long-haul jobs—when one parent is regularly away, children need extra support. Here's how to maintain connection and help them cope.

Why Parent Absence Is Hard

Disrupted Attachment

Children—especially young ones—need consistent access to their attachment figures. Absence can feel threatening to their sense of security.

Routine Changes

The remaining parent handles everything differently. Household rhythms shift.

Missing the Parent

Simple as that. They miss the parent's presence, comfort, and attention.

Worry

Depending on the nature of travel, children may worry about the parent's safety.

Before the Trip

Prepare Them

Give notice appropriate to their age. For toddlers, a day or two. For older children, a week or more.

Explain in Concrete Terms

"Daddy is going on a work trip. He'll be gone for five sleeps. Then he'll be back."

Use visual tools: a paper chain they can tear off each day, marked calendar, countdown jar.

Be Honest About the Reason

"Mom has to go to meetings in another city for her job."

They don't need details, but honesty builds trust.

Validate Their Feelings

"I know you'll miss Dad. It's hard when he goes away. You might feel sad or angry, and that's okay."

Create a Plan for Connection

Before leaving, establish how and when you'll connect: video calls at bedtime, morning texts, a check-in after school.

Leave Tangible Items

- A photo they can hold - A piece of your clothing that smells like you - Recorded bedtime stories or messages - Notes hidden around the house to find each day - A special stuffed animal that "holds your love"

During the Absence

Stick to Routine

The at-home parent should maintain routines as much as possible. Predictability provides security.

Connect Regularly

Video calls are better than phone calls—seeing the parent makes them more real. Keep calls: - Scheduled and predictable - Age-appropriate in length - Focused on the child (not logistics with the other parent) - Positive—ending with "I love you" and something to look forward to

Activities While Apart

- Read the same book together (each reads on their end) - Watch a countdown calendar or chain - Create art to show the traveling parent when they return - Keep a journal or photo diary of what happened while apart - Cook a recipe together via video

For the At-Home Parent

- Expect behavior changes—clinginess, acting out, regression - Provide extra patience and connection - Don't speak negatively about the traveling parent - Maintain your own wellbeing—solo parenting is exhausting

For the Traveling Parent

- Keep your promises about calling - Ask specific questions about their day - Send surprise messages or small gifts if possible - Share appropriate things about your trip - Express that you miss them too

Different Ages, Different Needs

Infants and Toddlers (0-3)

Limited understanding of time and absence. May show distress at separation and need extra comfort from the at-home parent. Short, frequent video calls help. Physical objects (photos, clothing) are especially important.

Preschoolers (3-5)

Understand more but still struggle with time. Use concrete countdown tools. May regress or become clingy. Magical thinking may appear ("Daddy left because I was bad").

School Age (6-10)

Understand the absence but may have big feelings about it. Can engage in activities across the distance. May worry about the traveling parent. Need to talk about their feelings.

Tweens (11-12)

Understand logically but may still struggle emotionally. May act like they don't care (they do). Give them autonomy about how to connect. Don't force excessive video calls.

When the Parent Returns

Expect an Adjustment Period

Children may be clingy, unusually needy, or paradoxically angry and distant. Both reactions are normal—they're processing the reunion.

Don't Take Distance Personally

Sometimes children "punish" the returning parent with distance. This passes with patience and consistent presence.

Prioritize Reconnection

One-on-one time, physical affection, focused attention—help them re-secure the attachment.

Transition Back to Normal Gradually

The at-home parent may have established new routines. Don't abruptly override them. Integrate smoothly.

When Travel Is Frequent

If travel is a regular part of life:

- Establish predictable patterns - Create rituals around departure and return - Consistently use connection strategies that work - Monitor for signs of struggle - Ensure plenty of quality time when home

When to Be Concerned

Some adjustment is normal. Seek support if:

- Extreme distress at departures that doesn't improve over time - Significant regression that persists - Signs of depression or anxiety - Behavior problems at school - Physical symptoms (chronic stomachaches, headaches)

These may benefit from professional support.