The Perfect Bedtime Routine: A Step-by-Step Guide by Age

A good bedtime routine does more than signal "time for sleep." It helps your child's nervous system shift from daytime alertness to nighttime rest. Here's how to build one that works, adjusted for your child's age.

Why Routines Work

Predictability calms the brain. When your child knows exactly what comes next, they don't have to spend mental energy figuring it out. Their nervous system can start to relax.

Routines also reduce power struggles. It's not you vs. them—it's just "what we do." The routine becomes the authority.

The Basic Framework (All Ages)

Every good bedtime routine includes: 1. A clear start signal 2. Hygiene tasks (bath, teeth, toilet) 3. Connection time (books, songs, talking) 4. A clear end signal

The specifics change by age, but this framework stays constant.

Ages 2-3: Keep It Simple

**Duration:** 20-30 minutes

**Sample routine:** - Bath (or quick wash) - Pajamas and diaper/pull-up - Brush teeth (with help) - 2-3 short books - One song - Kisses and into crib/bed - Brief goodnight phrase, lights out

**Tips for this age:** - Use a visual routine chart with pictures - Keep choices minimal (this book or that book, not "which book?") - Same order every night—toddlers thrive on sameness - Expect some protest; stay calm and consistent - Consider a brief warning: "Two more minutes of play, then bath time"

Ages 3-4: Add Connection

**Duration:** 25-35 minutes

**Sample routine:** - Bath or wash up - Pajamas - Brush teeth - Toilet (last chance!) - 2-3 books - "Tell me about your day" (keep it brief) - One song or quiet game - Tuck-in ritual (arrange stuffed animals, special blanket) - Goodnight phrase, lights out

**Tips for this age:** - Preschoolers stall with requests; anticipate and include them in the routine - Build in one "choice" moment to satisfy control needs - Use a timer or "okay to wake" clock to make it objective - Start the routine earlier than you think you need to

Ages 4-6: Build Independence

**Duration:** 30-40 minutes

**Sample routine:** - Independent bathroom time (bath 2-3x/week, wash up other nights) - Pajamas (can do independently with clothes laid out) - Brush teeth (with supervision) - 2-3 books or one chapter of a longer book - Talk about the day: high point and low point - Gratitude practice: "What are you thankful for today?" - Tuck-in, hugs, and goodnight phrase

**Tips for this age:** - Start shifting tasks to them with your supervision - Introduce simple relaxation: "Take three deep breaths with me" - Fears of the dark often peak now; address matter-of-factly - Let them have some control: flashlight under covers for 5 minutes, one extra book on weekends

Ages 6-8: Conversation and Calm

**Duration:** 30-45 minutes

**Sample routine:** - Shower or bath (mostly independent) - Pajamas - Brush teeth, floss - Reading: independent reading + some reading together - Conversation time: what's on their mind, school, friends - Brief mindfulness or relaxation exercise - Goodnight ritual

**Tips for this age:** - This is a sweet spot for real conversation; protect this time - Introduce audiobooks or calm music for falling asleep - Address worries before they surface at bedtime: "Anything on your mind?" - Give them ownership: let them track their own routine with a checklist

Ages 8-12: Winding Down

**Duration:** 30-45 minutes (more independent)

**Sample routine:** - Shower - Pajamas - Personal hygiene (teeth, face, etc.) - Reading time (independent) - Brief check-in with parent - Lights out at agreed-upon time

**Tips for this age:** - They need more sleep than they think; hold the line on bedtime - Screens should end 1 hour before bed—this is non-negotiable for good sleep - Respect their growing need for privacy while maintaining connection - Worries often come out at bedtime; make space for them without letting it become a delay tactic

Troubleshooting Common Issues

**Routine takes too long:** Cut elements, use a timer, or start earlier.

**Child keeps adding requests:** Build common requests into the routine so they're already addressed.

**Routine falls apart on busy nights:** Have a "short version" for unusual nights—bath skipped, one book, otherwise same ending.

**Different caregivers, different routines:** Write it down. Consistency matters more than perfection.

The Most Important Element

Whatever your routine looks like, end it the same way every night. The final moments—the last words, the way you leave the room—become the signal that it's truly time to sleep.

Make those final moments calm, loving, and predictable.